Trust

Do you think I'm trustworthy?

Dear Leo,

Do you think I’m trustworthy?

Mom obviously doesn’t think so. This is the third week that I’ve forgotten to book a slot for mass.

I can still hear her strident voice.

‘You know there are only fifty seats, why don’t you put an alarm on your Devi?”

“I thought you said we shouldn’t be using them.” I retorted lazily. I was still nursing a bit of a gripe. After the incident with Aarti and the Protector, I hadn’t heard from Betaal at all. 

Mom fumed before saying, “Then write it down or something. How can you be so careless? If I can’t trust you with such a small thing, how will you run a household?” Classic Mom, somehow making this about my inability to hold together a home. It did not improve my mood, obviously. It also rankled a bit, because, somewhere deep inside of me, I believe it. I don’t think I’m very reliable. Honest, maybe, and I know I get the job done. But am I trustworthy?

The whole time I was having this minor existential crisis, Mom had been going on about something I didn’t quite catch. When I finally rolled back to listen mode, Mom was at the balcony, looking out at the streets.

“It’s another march.”

I could hear the loud chants coming from the street behind us. A small cadre of Youth Astir cadets was marching down.

“What do these runts want now?” Mom grumbled.

You remember when they had just started the Youth Astir movement? Truth. Honour. Purity. Our own Boy Scouts movement, that’s what they had managed to sell it as. Nobody believes that anymore, but the institution is incredibly strong these days.

“…Repeal the Dharma Act! Religion is our birthright! Bring back the old ways!” were the words floating in. Mom made a big show of shutting the balcony door. She looked at me angrily, on the verge of saying something. Then she thought better of it and walked into her bedroom.

I know what she was thinking though. She agrees.  Bring back the old ways, she thinks, when she didn’t have to rely on an unreliable child to make sure she could make it to mass.

It’s a surprisingly clever move, I think. Suppress all public demonstration of religion, except those “approved” by committee. Then deregister every building, trust or institution that fails to get the popular vote. Then foment a ready mass of people, stoke their fear that their precious religions are in danger of being wiped out, and ride to power on their backs. At least that is a trustworthy scheme. It works every single time. 

You remember the small chapel that was near our house? They tore it down to make a public works office. Then when they urbanised Jeevan Jyoti Road, they destroyed half a dozen mosques. Stuff gets replaced all the time, and when people feel like they’re likely to be replaced themselves, they leave. It’s all awfully convenient. 

Anyway, I’m sorry I got caught up in this train of thought. I have more...intriguing news for you. 

I’m going on my first mission tomorrow. Betaal finally contacted me today, after three days of silence. During that time, I idly looked at the listings for other journo jobs on the Ogee network. Eventually, I even looked up those for yoga teachers. I was not worried, but you know how I need to keep my options. 

I felt that whisper on my neck while I was in one such half-hearted search. 

Betaal spoke in my ear, “Looking for other careers already?”

I didn’t reply but I shut the Devi. 

“That little stunt you pulled was reckless and stupid. The Protector was not amused.”

He kept stopping as if expecting me to apologise. I didn’t say a word. 

“I...understand the motivations you had but that was a risk we did not need to take. I managed to convince the Protector that you had good reasons to do what you did. But I don’t think you’re as trustworthy as I once did.”

I stared resolutely at my fingernails. They’d gotten a bit long, and all that training has been rough on my hands.

“Will you say something, Vikram?”

“I did what I think made sense. I’m not going to apologise for it. If we work together, you have to trust my instincts too.”

“Your instincts?” I could almost hear the arrogant sneer in his voice. “I’ve been doing this for years. Your instincts are best suited to following mine, or go back to searching for yoga mats.” 

I worried then, if I had pushed my luck too much. But I needed Betaal to know where we stood on this.

Betaal continued, not waiting for my response this time, though his voice was calmer. “You have an Outsider artifact. After all the training we have done, it would be a shame to have to eliminate you and reclaim the artifact. So you will go on on your first assignment.”

I smiled. “What do I have to do?”

Betaal’s voice became even graver, if that was possible. “Are you familiar with Boar Valley?”

You remember it, right? It’s deep past the western suburbs of Amba. I think you went there for a trek once, when it wasn’t completely overridden by forestland. People keep trying to domesticate it, and the boars and the other animals stubbornly refuse. After the few natives there were all infected, it stayed in the Red Corridor. I think it doesn’t even have a classification any more, and the Amba municipality doesn’t try to govern it. 

“That’s far far away from us. What’s there?” I replied.

“The Outsiders have always tried to come to Amba by sea. I think they’re finally getting the picture that this part will always be well protected. We received word from one of our sources that an Outsider made landfall in the marshes off the coast near Boar Valley and has slowly been making its way closer to the city. You have to eliminate the Outsider. From initial drone recces, it is not a Matsya. Possibly something we can’t identify just yet. No drone has been able to return with any footage.”

“What about the live feed?” I asked, curious despite myself. 

Betaal sighed. “There is no live feed. Boar Valley is so far outside of Amba, the Ogee network has no coverage there.”

“Wait, does that mean…” My voice trailed off as I realised the implications. This is what Betaal had been hinting at in our training sessions.

“Yes, I will not be able to guide you on this mission. I will not be able to reach you, at all. But after that little stunt you pulled with the SATARC agent, the Protector is not so sure you should be allowed to handle this alone. You will be paired with a Vikram.”

My eyes grew wide. “Who?”

Betaal ignored the question, “They will rendezvous with you tomorrow at Udayanagari station at noon. You will travel to a jetty at Vasave where a hovercraft will take you into the Boar Valley marshes. After that, you will be on your own. Good luck.”

“Wait, Betaal, who will it be?”

“A Vikram who can keep an eye on you.” Betaal replied. “What will you do with knowing who they are?” 

With that, he disappeared. 

So now, I’m preparing for this. Setting the SRNGA horn out to charge, and fishing out my laminar and wetwear from the bottom of the cupboard. I don’t know if the reason they’re sending me to face this unknown monster is because they believe I can handle it. My instinct tells me it’s nothing like that at all. I’m basically cannon fodder for the Outsider. Or maybe I’m bait. Not trustworthy enough to be allowed to handle this alone. 

I just thought… I just thought I’d write to you. One last time. Tell you I love you. I hope you are safe and well. I hope I make it back and I hope you do too. Else, let’s meet somewhere else.

In another life. 

Love

N

PS I tried to access the Devi that Aarti left behind but it seems to be encrypted somehow. I have to be careful with it. But maybe it won’t matter now.